


Taking Up The Gauntlet

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Stellar Flash Fiction [20]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Befuddled Kirk, Drabble, Established Relationship, Fun, Hijinks, Humor, M/M, Revenge, Revengeful McCoy, Ridiculous, Star Trek Humor, Unsuspecting Spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: McCoy schemes to keep ahead of Spock in the face paint wars.





	Taking Up The Gauntlet

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Upping The Ante](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369568) by [Esperata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata). 



> I accepted your challenge, Esperata! I'm back!
> 
> Boys will be boys, but we can't let them have all the fun.

The face painting wars on the Enterprise had escalated to the whole body. Spock just didn’t know it yet. 

McCoy had made Spock look like a ‘hoot owl in a hailstorm’ by painting the inside of goggles that he handed to Spock to wear. But there was no time to gloat about that success when McCoy knew that Spock would be scheming for retribution. McCoy’s only hope for survival was to stay ahead of the Vulcan. Spock would not be expecting another counterattack so soon. 

McCoy knew all of the platitudes. If you can’t fight them, join them. The best defense is a good offense. Strike while the iron is hot.

Play dirty pool.

Pool. Put red dye in the swimming pool and have Spock jump in it? It wouldn’t work, McCoy decided. Spock would spot that ‘bloodbath’ before he put one little green toe into that ‘scarlet tide.’ 

Kirk would probably make the two of them drain the pool and clean it. With toothbrushes. If Spock hadn’t been angry before, he most certainly would be after having to help clean a pool that he hadn’t dirtied. The Vulcan might be a teeny, tiny bit pissed off about that, and McCoy wouldn’t blame him. Besides, paybacks were hell and who knew what Spock might dream up for McCoy? 

 

McCoy volunteered to spoon Spock to keep him warm. Generally, Spock spooned McCoy to protect him, although what creature, entity, or space spore would dare to attack McCoy deep in the bowels of the Enterprise was anybody’s guess.

The first night Spock was a little rigid in McCoy’s arms. It might have been the strange arrangement or Spock’s suspicions, but the Vulcan was restless all night. By the second night, he was so tired that he slept. By the third night, he rested with ease. And that’s when McCoy struck.

McCoy eased the covers back and exposed Spock’s magnificent ass. So perfect. So pristine. So innocent. McCoy got so lost in his admiration that he almost gave into debauchery and awakened Spock with a rectal alarm clock.

Spock fidgeted in his sleep and tried to move away from the sudden draft on his buttocks. McCoy breathed warm air onto the alien cheeks, and Spock drifted back into deep sleep again.

McCoy reached for his trusty magic marker and set to work. It took awhile because he had to stop and breath on Spock’s ass periodically, but he finally smiled at his artwork gazing back at him. Eat your heart out, Rembrandt! Cut off your other ear, Van Gogh! It won’t do any good. Leonard McCoy, the Grand Artiste, has established himself in your midst!

McCoy waited until the next rotation when Spock would be on duty on the bridge. Then McCoy made his appearance.

“Bones! I wasn’t expecting you today!”

“Something’s come up,” McCoy muttered as he looked around and saw that Uhura was the only woman present. “Lt. Uhura, you are wanted in Sickbay. Stat. Nurse Chapel has a procedure for you.”

Uhura left the bridge.

“Some emergency for Uhura?” Kirk asked idly.

“I just didn’t want her around here,” McCoy answered as he drifted towards Spock.

“Doctor.”

“Spock.”

Spock turned back to bend over his instruments.

“Gentlemen,” McCoy announced. “I wish to show you my masterpiece.” And with that, he grabbed Spock’s trousers and ripped them down.

A huge smiley face grinned at the men on the bridge.

The other men burst out laughing while an indignant Spock whirled on McCoy.

“Careful there, Commander,” McCoy drawled. “Spock, Jr. just winked at me. And I don‘t think he was just flirting.”

The crew on the bridge roared again, and Spock pulled up his trousers while his face flushed an unhealthy shade of deep green.

“My work here is finished,” McCoy announced as he turned to the turbo lift. “Gentlemen, have a most pleasant day. I know I shall.” He nodded to Spock. “Sir.”

 

“Okay, guys, this has gotten way out of hand,” Kirk told Spock and McCoy. “I want it over. Now.”

“Just saying it won’t get it to happen, Jim.”

“I know. That’s why I’m actually escalating this war between you.”

McCoy frowned. “How?”

“The way that gentlemen should settle any disagreement. In the ring.”

“Fisticuffs?” Spock, who had been mostly silent up until now, spoke up. “You want us to brawl like a couple of drunkards in a dark alley behind some sleazy saloon?”

“Well, maybe not that picturesque, Mr. Spock.”

“I doubt if we can bend the Marquis of Queensberry rules to fit this situation, Jim,” McCoy said with skepticism.

“I can,” Kirk said emphatically. “Just watch me.”

 

Kirk had them dress out in swimming trunks.

“Are we doing this in the pool?” McCoy thought about his original plan of Spock and red dye. 

“No, in the boxing ring that Scotty has rigged up.” 

“Come on, Jim! You can’t expect Spock and me to box each other!”

“Did I say you were going to be using your fists?”

“No, but. These swimming trunks are boxing trunks, I suppose. And there’s an improvised boxing ring that looks pretty authentic. The clues are piling up, Kirk!”

“No fists, guys,” Kirk said with a pleasant smile as he patted each puzzled face.

“Then, what?”

“Something very appropriate.”

“What’s that?”

“Paint guns. Scotty?”

Scotty handed Spock and McCoy each a paint gun. “A fair day for a sporting event, lads!” He joined the other guys from their shift who made up the audience.

“Yeah, but this isn‘t sporting,” McCoy muttered.

“Okay, guys, get in the ring and start blasting away at each other.”

They did, but it wasn’t long before they had turned the guns on Kirk, Scotty, and others in the audience. Scotty handed out more paint guns, and the gentleman’s way to settle differences disintegrated.

“Have you ever seen anything like it, Nyota?”

“They’re all children, Christine. As long as they hose the gym and themselves clean, though, I’m going to look the other way.”

“Well, boys will be boys.”

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
